Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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