I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
