Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
