Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
