im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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