He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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