The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
