Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
