it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
