So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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