Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
