i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
