Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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