Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
