Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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