your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
