Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
