I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
