Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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