how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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