she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
