so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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