I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
