He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
even my farts smell like vagina
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize