you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
