I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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