Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
