Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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