Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
