she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Help. Why am I so naked?
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