This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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