Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
last night I used snow as a chaser
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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