your parents love me but you hate me
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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