im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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