why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
