so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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