Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Randomize
