Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
