What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
