Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
