She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
