you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
