well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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