We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
