The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
