after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
