when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
