your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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