chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
