I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
