Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
