I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
