bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
