im gay
i know
yea but for you.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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