Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
