she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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