I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
please come you make the beer taste better
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
