Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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