just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
