hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
