Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
