I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize