I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
