Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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