I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
