ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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