She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
