I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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