Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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