Dual....:-)
I cannot find my penis.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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